Hello, Is There Anybody There?

     I go through these spells where my mind plays tricks on me. I will feel like everyone is ignoring me or even worse, they don't like me. It will seem like I am invisible. No matter how hard I try to participate, I feel like a failure. I don't know why my brain must play this cruel trick. Hello, is anybody there?

    Hello, Hellooooo, Hellooooooo

     It's like someone on a stage that is checking the microphone before making an announcement. That's how I feel at times. I respond to people's messages, posts, etc only to be ignored. I see other people's getting a like or response back and I am sitting here wondering why mine wasn't good enough to get at least a smiley face. Hello, is anybody there?

     My mind likes to play these cruel tricks to make me question myself. I start to question if I am really friends with so and so, or am I truly a nobody. Maybe, it's just another group, where I don't fit in. I begin to question why do I waste my time writing blog posts if no one is going to read them. What if people don't really care what I have to say. Maybe they find my posts annoying. Hello, is anybody there?

     I know to most, this will sound like some crazy ramblings. Some will probably get a good chuckle at my expense. These are the same that were probably bullies in school and now their children are continuing in their footsteps. But, for those who can relate, just know that I sympathize with you. I know what it's like to wonder where you fit in. Hello, is anybody there?

     So the next time you start to question if anybody is there, know that you are not alone. There are plenty of us in the same boat, wondering the same things that you are thinking. Don't let your mind play these tricks on you. Don't give up or give in. Yes, there is somebody there.

Need some therapy: Visit the beach

      I have only been to the beach two times in my life, but I have to tell you they were the most relaxing times I have ever had. There is something about sitting at the beach staring at the ocean that is therapeutic. The everyday pains I have seemed to just disappear while sitting in the sand.

    Staring at the water that goes on and on allowed me to clear my head. My brain was only focused on one thing. The constant chaos that goes on in my head was silent. I was able to think clear thoughts. I didn't have fifty things rushing through my mind at one time.

 While looking at the ocean's waves I didn't focus on how bad my legs were hurting. I just felt at peace. I hope within the next few years to move close to the beach so I can visit weekly if not daily. If you find yourself having a bad day or a painful day stop and try to picture the ocean. Try to remember what the waves sound like as they crash upon the shore. Feel the water running over your feet and the warmth of the sand.

                   I know it will not be the same as actually being there, but you would be surprised at how it can help the body relax. Often at night I will go back to the beach in my mind as a way of trying to shut down for the night. I soon find my self drifting off even if just for a few minutes.

Oh my, is that a heart attack I feel coming on, or just my crazy brain on overdrive?

          Each day I have a variety of health problems to deal with. I have the coughing and gagging from the "Silent Re-flux" . Why they call it silent is beyond me. I know it's there every moment of the day. Then there is the carpal tunnel that interrupts my writing, typing, cooking, DIY projects, sleeping, etc. You get the picture, it's always around showing its ugly head. Next comes my anxiety. Of all the issues I deal with this one is the worst.
        Why, you may wonder would anxiety be worse then coughing and gagging all day. Well, let me tell you. Anxiety creeps in my brain and makes me question every symptom of my health problems. I start to become terrified that the damage to my throat and esophagus will turn cancerous. I must have pulled something in my chest because the  last few days I have been having intermittent pains. That's normal you might say. Sure, it is normal, but my anxiety gets me scared out of my mind wondering if it could be a heart attack.
         It's not just my health symptoms that I worry about. I worry about everyone else from family to friends. I know what health problems are in my family and I spend too much time worrying that I will have the same problems one day. Anxiety makes everything seem so much more severe, and yet I am afraid of doing anything to stop the problem. My DR. has said numerous times she can put me on medicine to help. I am afraid of what the medicine will do and how it will make me feel. So I keep telling her no.
I wish I had a switch to flip my brain off a few hours a day. I would love to have some time when I didn't have to worry so much. So to all of you that deal with anxiety, how do you keep from going crazy worrying?